Rampant Consumerism

Beer of the Day

2007-11-07T23:33:00.000-05:00

I discovered this one by accident at the supermarket: Red Hook Brewery’s Long Hammer IPA. Holy crap, what a great mouthful of beer. Hoppy and fruity and and just freakin’ delicious.

I haven’t been knocked over by a beer in a long time (at least not from the taste of it!), but this stuff is amazing. Matthew, Ted Velvet and Hamad take note. Buy some now, and don’t wait til you get home to open the bottle – road soda this one, because you will go back in the store and buy more as soon as you taste it.

Guess What?

2007-11-06T22:54:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's funny every damn time.

This is the backside (pun intended) of my new glassware. Here's the front:

Guess what?!

Sounds Like...

2007-08-04T19:14:00.000-05:00

Happy. Sounds like happy. Here's my new addition to the collection of crap that makes my life worth turning up the volume for:

Onkyo TX-SR304S 5.1 Channel AV Receiver

Nothing fancy, but it's small and powerful. A worthy replacement for my (dinosaur) HK 3380.

Really, I Don't Have a Problem

2007-07-28T16:49:00.000-05:00

I got a copy of Modern Drunkard magazine in the mail this week from a friend back in Cleveland. Now, what he's trying to tell me, I don't know, but it's full of helpful advice and interesting stories, including:

-Sage advice for drunks visiting Las Vegas, like,

You want to arrive with the idea that you're going to win a great deal of money. It doesn't matter how little money you arrive with, or how many painful lessons you may have absorbed in the past, this time it will be different.

If you gamble, you get free drinks. It's a helluva deal, and if you possess even an average amount of luck the drinks will only end up costing you about 40 bucks apiece.

-Advice on hosting after hours parties, because we all know that "last call is for quitters."

-Wino wisdom

It's a good read is all I'm sayin'.

(Cross posted at Creative Truth -remember that old site?!)

Manna from... Flea Bazaar

2007-05-11T00:25:00.000-05:00

My brother from Chicago sent this lovely piece of kitsch for my birthday - it's hanging in my kitchen as I write this, freaking me the hell out. I took the picture in the dark, with the mirrored, crucified Jesus with a swirling rainbow background all lit up. In full effect, as it were.

He even put a speech bubble next to Jesus that says "Flea Bizarre Represent", which works on more than one level. The Flea Bazaar is a trashy, seven days a week swap meet in Cleveland. It's been around forever, and it's THE place to go if ever you are in need of a switch blade disguised as a lipstick, a sword, poorly made t-shirts or all manner of light up religious paraphernalia. Chicago Bro may have used the wrong spelling of Bazaar, but he's definitely got a point!

Little Old Mirror from Pasadena

2007-04-21T20:44:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's actually a big old mirror.

I took a ride out to Pasadena this afternoon with a good friend to peruse the antique stores. I found this beauty, in mint condition, at the Salvation Army store of all places. It's an Academy Arts piece, still with the original tag from 1976 on the back. Fifty bucks.

Score.

Orchid Number Two

2007-04-20T23:52:00.000-05:00

My very awesome friend Jeffrey brought me this little beauty for a house-warming gift this afternoon. Along with much vodka and ginger beer, which we proceeded to mix together and get crunk with. The Moscow Mule - a fabulous drink for a rainy day.

Anyway, Jeffrey is an orchid genius and he tells me I'll be able to take care of this one with no problem. Phalaenopsis (Moth Orchid) is supposedly a good beginner orchid, with long lasting flowers.

(Cross-posted at Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun.)

Quest for Fire

2007-04-19T22:40:00.000-05:00

A/K/A The Saga of the Bicyle - Why Is This So Hard?

Living in Los Angeles where it is nice outside at least 350 days a year means that I can ride my bike a lot. Yeah, I know, Angelenos drive everywhere, all the time, but I'm trying to 1) not pay $3.40 a gallon for gas, and 2) not put my car on these crazy roads unless I need to. I have a mountain bike, but it's really not appropriate for all the street riding I do here. So I decided to buy a retro styled beach cruiser for getting around the neighborhood.

I found what I wanted on-line, and placed a pre-order, as the site was waiting on a new shipment. One month later, I get my bike. That's today. I open the box, and it's the wrong damn bike! Not only is it the wrong bike, but it's the one bike that I truly hate from the website - some abominable chopper style fugly thing. At this point, I'm pissed - I mean, I've waited a month for a bike to arrive, and it's the wrong thing. Not to mention that I prepaid for my order, so I've been out the money since the day after I ordered.

I e-mail the site and indicate that I've received the wrong item, and that I am not happy and when can I get the right bike. No response. Not yet anyway. Now I'm really, really pissed off. I want a bike now because while I was waiting, the mountain bike got a flat tire that's more than the inner tube. I didn't fix it because I figured I'd be getting my new bike soon enough, and wouldn't have to worry about the other bike until I had some more cash to throw around.

At any rate, while I was waiting for a response (that still hasn't come) from the website, my girlfriend Amy called me with an offer I couldn't refuse: a retro styled green beach cruiser with fenders and white-walled tires for a steal. It was used on one photo shoot, so it was brand new and collecting dust in her garage. So I walk down to her house and buy the cool bike, ride it home, and add some accessories. Phew.

However, now I have the dumb chopper bike in a giant box in my living room, doing nothing but taking up space. Look, I have no problem supporting start-up businesses by doing things like pre-ordering items and pre-paying, particularly if it's a product philosophy I believe in. This website advertised itself as wanting to spread beach cruiser love to the masses, and at a good price.

There's a price to pay though for getting such accommodations from your customers - step up your customer service. Check your product carefully before you ship it out to people who have been patiently waiting, and reply to your e-mails immediately - you may be able to avoid a return. Because I didn't get a response right away, nay, even in a timely manner, I got even angrier and am now not willing to compromise in any way, shape or form. I want the dumb bike taken out of my house, and I want all of my money back, including shipping. Too bad too, as the bike I ordered was a cool bike.

But I think the green one is super-cool too.

The bike I actually ordered and was looking forward to owning.

The super dumb, hateful chopper bike that was in the box when I opened it. Said box is still in my (small) living room, hogging up space.

The super cool green bike that I am now riding and loving.

(Cross-posted at Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun.)

Luck o' the $1.99 Bin

2007-04-17T12:54:00.000-05:00

There are three Amoeba Music stores in the country: San Francsico, Berkeley and Hollywood. Now I've been to all three.

Some friends and I killed a few hours at the Hollywood store yesterday afternoon, picking through used CDs. I found three discs I knew I wanted, at a steal, and this gem for $1.99 in the super-bargain bin.

St. Moritz Vibes was a crapshoot that paid off - a great blend of house-ish vibes with some soul and funk, all with electronic polish. Like something Thievery Corp. would mix up on a good night. Try it with drinks and dinner - might even go well with chicken.

My First Orchid

2007-03-31T13:19:00.001-05:00

This is a picture of my first orchid (next to the Punk-U-Pine scrubber my brother sent me in a package of really cool kitchen tools, all with animal themes). I see them in every store out here, and I never buy one because I'm afraid of killing it. Yesterday evening, a friend bought me one for a housewarming gift, and showed me how to set it up in it's new home without killing it. For now anyway!

Everyone out here has orchids in their homes - you can buy them at Home Depot and just about everywhere else. They grow really well here and with apparently not much work. Talk about a change from Ohio!

Thanks Mike! I'll try not to kill it!

(Cross-posted at Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun.)

It's Like a Bag, and You Grow Stuff In It

2007-03-27T11:57:00.000-05:00

Check out the cool housewarming gift Vinnie G. sent me:

It's a garden in a bag, and it's entirely eco-friendly. Just add water and pour the seeds in, and it sprouts in a few days. The soil is drained by using a few re-used packing peanuts in the bottom of the bag.
Even the package it was sent in was made of entirely re-used packing material, just turned inside-out and re-labeled. Cool, huh? Oh, and the gift was from Branch Home - a nice, hand-written card was included with the order.

Branch by the way is all eco-friendly - sustainable design for living is how they put it. Their website is chock full of interesting green stuff.

Thanks Vinnie G.!

(Cross-posted at Green Is the New Black.)

The Joy of Cooking

2007-03-20T21:34:00.000-05:00

I was out shopping with a girlfriend this weekend at the Grove, and we popped into Sur La Table. Not a place I would normally shop (very expensive on the whole), but I had some discount cards, so I figured what the hell and had a look around.

I fell in love with this Le Creuset baking pan, and had to have it. It weighs about a ton, and it's red and gorgeous. Thankfully, it was on sale, so I got it for a steal with my discounts added on.

Moving Sucks

2007-03-13T18:43:00.000-05:00

Well, it’s been a while since I posted here – almost forgot about this site! At any rate, if you’ve been following my adventures over at Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun (which you should be!), I now live in Los Angeles. I moved into my place about a week ago, and seeing as I brought no furniture with me across the country, I’ve had to buy everything new. I’ve been seeing the inside of the Burbank Ikea more than I’d like. But at least I can get a meatball plate while I’m there – best $5 lunch in Los Angeles!

So I’ve had a bunch of purchases over the past few weeks. One of which was this room divider/storage unit/book case from Ikea. My girlfriend Amy chose it for me. She has taste and patience , so I’m more than happy to let her do the choosing of my furniture and accessories. I kind of trail behind her and pay the bill when it’s presented. I liked this unit as soon as we saw it as well, so I guess that means I have some sense of style!

And here it is in my unfinished place:

Street Walker - or Driver (This Is L.A. After All)

2007-01-14T16:46:00.000-05:00

Well, one of the first things I ordered in preparation for my move to Los Angeles arrived yesterday: The Thomas Guide Los Angeles County Street Guide, 2007 edition.

I normally wouldn't buy a street guide, since there's a thousand on-line direction giver sites, but L.A. is just so freakin' big, it helps to have maps in the car. A girlfriend of mine told me she spent her first year of driving in L.A. with this book on her lap. Which explains a lot about L.A. drivers, but I digress.

The best part of this book is that it divides the city by zip code AND lists neighborhood names, so I'll be able to narrow my apartment search more effectively, and be able to find out right where a potential job may be located. Phew.

(Cross-posted at Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun.)

Go Toward the Light (and Buy Something Black)

2007-01-12T02:02:00.000-05:00

After several months of having the membership card in my wallet, I've finally succumbed to the lure of Costco.

In preparation for an upcoming Vegas trip, I purchased this cool carry-on suitcase. And for a 1/3 of the price of most other stores. Oddly enough, I didn't have to buy a pallet of the suitcases in order to get that price either!

Trip on This

2006-12-14T17:26:00.000-05:00

I picked this book up today (less some fat discounts from coupons) so I can begin exploring more of the local area.

Wine of the Day

2006-12-12T23:58:00.000-05:00

Black Mountain Vineyard, 2005 Zinfandel, California, Cramer Ridge

Along with enjoying the beers of California, I am also discovering the wines of California, bottle by bottle, and vineyard by vineyard. Good wine is available at just about every store in this state - woohoo!

Tonite I am enjoying a 2005 Zinfandel from Black Mountain Vineyard. A tasty zin - nothing fabulous, but I wouldn't be averse to serving it to guests. Too bad I'll be done with the bottle before I get around to inviting anyone over!

Can I Just Make a Freakin' Phone Call?!

2006-12-10T12:34:00.000-05:00

Samsung SGH-A707 - Somewhere in there may be an actual phone!

This is the phone I ended up purchasing for my new cell phone plan. Yes, it functions as a wireless modem so I can surf the web via a bluetooth connection on my laptop. Yes, it's a camera and a video camera and an mp3 player, and it can text and send multimedia files and probably drive my car if I wanted it to. What it has a hard time doing though, is actually making a freakin' phone call! I'm sure I'll figure out a better way to access the proper menus, but for now, making a simple phone call requires a lot of work.

Sac It To Me!

2006-12-08T14:52:00.000-05:00

I picked up a six pack of this tasty brew last night: Sacramento Brewing Company's Sac-Squatch Ale.

A delicious scotch-type ale that's not too heavy and not too light. Perfect for swilling by the fire!

Ahhh, Beer

2006-12-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

I'm enjoying a refreshing bottle of Fat Weasel Ale from Steinhaus Brewing Co. in Paso Robles, CA this evening. I've been making a point of choosing a different micro-brew from a California brewery each time I buy beer now - there's a lot of good beer on the west coast, and well, someone's gotta drink it!

I know Matthew at Brewed with Natural Ingredients will agree! Of course, he's probably too busy watching the O.C. to read this...

Christmas Music That Doesn't Make Me Puke

2006-11-28T14:08:00.000-05:00

A Charlie Brown Christmas, soundtrack

Even here in California, Christmas has performed it's magical vomiting act on everything. Even now, in the coffeehouse, Christmas music is being piped in from hell.

I will admit however to loving the jazzy soundtrack to A Charlie Brown Christmas. So much so that I picked up a copy today.

Doo doo doo do do do do do do doo doo....

(cross-posted at Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

Thanks Pho the Memories

2006-11-01T14:47:00.000-05:00

Going over the list these past few days, I have noticed that there are quite a few things I will actually miss about Cleveland. This surprises the heck out of me.

#1 Pho is another thing I’ll miss – fabulous Vietnamese food. I remember when the restaurant first opened a few years back, and some friends and I stopped in for a bowl of the soup we were hearing so much about: Pho Tai. And it was the best I’ve had since – rich, flavorful beef broth with fresh-cooked rice noodles and nice slices of rare beef and onion curls, and comes served with a plate of fresh, sliced chilies, bean sprouts, lime wedges and Thai basil. The soup is a meal in and of itself, but no trip to #1 Pho is complete without the spring rolls, the chicken cabbage salad and either the catfish or the chicken in a clay pot.

And don’t be too embarrassed when there aren’t any leftovers.

(Cross-posted at Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun.)

Another Thing To Miss About Cleveland

2006-10-28T20:14:00.000-05:00

Jack Frost Donuts

Hands down the best donuts on the planet. Made in small batches by donut geniuses, each donut is rather small – end result being that you don’t feel guilty eating 1/2 dozen of them in the car on the way home.

Jack Frost, I will miss you.

Alternative Press

2006-10-27T15:03:00.000-05:00

While I was at the grocery store today I decided to purchase Alternative Press because the cover had a picture of Rise Agaisnt. What a let down, one article, one page was dedicated to them. AP sucks, take your 3.99 elsewhere.

Ring My Bell!

2006-10-23T18:31:00.000-05:00

I spent this weekend in Columbus at a wedding, and had plenty of time in between wedding stuff to hang out with my cousins and drink beer. This Bell's Two Hearted Ale was awesome and super-hoppy. And not the best idea on an empty stomach. Live and learn.

A Cleveland Institution

2006-10-18T12:05:00.000-05:00

Mr. Hero is a Cleveland thing - can't get it anywhere else from what I understand. Now I'm a fan of the cheesesteak with mushrooms and onions, which is popular. Bu they also have something called the Romanburger. It's all deep-fried, even the lettuce (at least that's what it looks like). I think it's nasty, but I have friends who make it a point to visit Mr. Hero as much as possible on trips to Cleveland, specifically to eat this sandwich, and in mass quantities. The picture above is a Romanburger.

My heart will weep over the cheesesteak, but methinks the ocean views will make up for that!

This Is What Unemployed People Do on Mondays

2006-10-16T13:16:00.000-05:00

I'm visiting with a friend this afternoon. We are drinking, rather heavily for a Monday actually. So we've decided to order sandwiches from Fat Billy's. Just seemed appropriate.

Firm Beliefs

2006-10-07T15:41:00.000-05:00

Vinnie G. and I are both "of a certain age", where things start to, well, slip and not be so firm as they were. 27 is rough, I tell ya. Heh.

Anyway, I've been raving about firming lotions for a month or two now, and Vinnie G. finally broke down and bought this one the other day. One of my personal favorites because it is not highly scented. But the stuff works. I don't know how, and I probably don't want to know.

I do know that my body is now completely held together with firming lotions of varying brands, and if the stuff is ever found to be toxic and taken off the market, I will most likely melt into a little puddle, a la the Wicked Witch of the West.

Off To See the Wizard!

2006-10-04T18:43:00.000-05:00

I had one of these type bike racks installed on my car this morning - allows easy access to the trunk, AND keeps tailgaters the hell off your bumper! Vinnie G. and I plan on testing it out before I leave for California on a short day trip to Niagara Falls. We're going to bike in the park on the American side and enjoy the leaves changing.

Zoom Zoom

2006-09-28T14:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, I realize that that is the Mazda catch phrase but whatever. I finally did it after months of hemming and hawing. I finally went out and got a new car. It is an 06 Chevy Cobalt and I got a good deal on it (at least I think I did and that is all that counts) since they are clearing out the 06's to make room for the 07's. I forgot how nice it was to be in a shiny happy new car. Oddly though, I do miss my old car just a little bit. She was a good car and was always good to me. We had been through a lot together. Oh well, I guess I can make new memories with this car.

cross posted with Bitter Cup of Joe

Park Life

2006-09-27T09:17:00.000-05:00

National Parks Pass

Another purchase in anticipation of my time on the road - a $50 parks pass is good for a year for entry into all National Parks and National Monuments. That may sound like a lot, but it's rather expensive to visit public parks. For example: Grand Canyon costs $20 just to drive through the gates. I'm quite a National Parks fan, so this pass is well worth the money, and will pay for itself within three park visits. The pass also comes with a book full of maps of all the parks and monuments in the country.

Let’s Go for a Drive

2006-09-26T11:13:00.000-05:00

Road Trip USA, by Jamie Jensen

Another purchase in anticipation of my road trip to California. This book is heavy and looks like it means business. Chronicles multiple cross-country road trips via various routes. I’ll go into more detail on Creative Truth after I get through it.

On the Startling Reality that I Am No Longer MTV’s Target Market, or, How I Learned to Stop Trying So Hard and Just Love VH1

2006-09-25T10:08:00.000-05:00

(Re-post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

This whole aging thing is not a hobby I enjoy, and I spend much time lying to myself and others about the true nature of my chronological age. Twenty-seven seems to me a timeless age, and one that is not questioned by too many inquiring minds.

Anyway, one day I was lounging at a friend’s house, mooching cable and drinking wine. I was watching MTV in a desperate attempt to convince myself that I am indeed still young and hip. I tried so hard to follow along, and after about an hour, I realized that if I watched even five more minutes of MTV drivel, I would have a seizure. A full on grand mal seizure. My head was hurting just trying to follow along with these vacuous, empty-headed so-called hipster youth. And also, I didn’t give a shit what anyone was saying, which may have been because I did not understand even half of the words. I even checked to see if maybe I had flipped on the SAP or something.

Could it be that MTV was no longer targeting me? I’d spent so much of my life being the young target market, and now I was being kicked aside?

So I started channel surfing. And after much skipping around, I landed on… VH1. And I felt a wave of relief flash over me, for I understood what everyone was talking about. Gone were the frenetic, flashing screens of forced coolness that just strained my eyes and caused migraines. The comedy was intelligent, snarky AND coherent. VH1 welcomed me into its open arms with its countdowns of things I remember from the 80s and early 90s, and the advertisements were for things I actually recognized.

I was… home.

Heinz 57

2006-09-22T08:51:00.000-05:00

(Re-post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

I’ve been hearing a lot about these so-called “designer dogs” lately, and I’ve got to say, it’s a brilliant piece of marketing. For mutts. There’s nothing designer about these dogs dammit! A puggle? A labradoodle? Gimme a break.

I remember when a family went to the pound (as mine did many times over the years) and picked out a dog, and when asked what type of dog he or she was, the response was “Heinz 57”. I.e. a mutt. But now that Paris Hilton or Nicole Richie or whichever celebutante airhead is walking around with a mutt of some sort, it’s a “designer dog” or a "hybrid breed". Puh-lease. Sure, that puppy up there is cute – all puppies are pretty cute (mostly so you don’t kill them when they shred a Prada mule on the sofa). But it’s a mutt dammit!

Open Letter to Big Pharma

2006-09-20T08:23:00.000-05:00

(Re-post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

Dear Big Pharma:

Enough already with the advertisements. I’m certainly not a hypochondriac, not by a long shot (that’s what Vinnie G. is for), but even I’m starting to wonder if maybe I need medication for, well, everything.

The evening news seems to be particularly rife with your work. I’m bombarded with potential diseases, maladies and disorders – enough to make me question my health and sanity – and all in 1/2 hour.

For example, when did having a bad night’s sleep, which I’m sure we’ve all experienced, become something that needs to be medicated, and by a myriad of products you make?

Zelnorm? The creepy stomach montage makes my stomach hurt – maybe that’s the point. Do I need Zelnorm? Do I?! I don’t know. But it’s creepy and weird.

And my favorite: restless leg syndrome. Restless leg syndrome?! Oh come on! Even if this is a legitimate disease, which I doubt, the number of people who actually have this ailment can hardly merit a multimillion dollar ad campaign.

What gets me is that I would never go to the doctor and tell her what I think I need to solve my problem, even though your soothing announcer’s voice assures me that this is exactly what I should be doing. Because I’m a consumer dammit! An American consumer!

Me: Well doctor, I’m pretty sure I need Lunestra, and probably Zelnorm. Oh, and Paxil, because those happy, hoppy pill things looked really soothing. And sometimes, I have to go to the bathroom, so I probably need Detrol or that new one or something.

Doctor: Go home.

So, Big Pharma, you can see my personal crisis here – on the one hand, I’m relatively convinced that I need many, many drugs to fix all the things that I now know are wrong with me. And on the other hand, I’m completely appalled that you advertise in this manner – the sheer volume of ads makes me wonder if maybe they really work. And that’s even scarier.

Sincerely,
D.

The Sweet Tooth Bites Back

2006-09-19T11:28:00.000-05:00

Ahhhhh, it’s that time of year – Halloween candy extravaganza at Marc’s. I have a real sweet tooth, and I can’t escape the candy aisle without filling half of my basket with candy of one sort or another. And I especially love the variety bags during Halloween Season – which appears to run from Labor Day to October 31st. I’m glad it has its own season now.

Case in point: The Wonka Bag. A/K/A The Retard Bag, as it makes me retarded when I have one. Retarded on sugar that is. My little bro, Nothing Wood, can attest to this, as he’s joined me in rotting my brain on candy and The Simpsons on more than one occasion.

I bought a bag of Now and Laters this past Saturday – and no, I didn’t save a whole lot for later. However, I did notice in teeny tiny letters on the package that they are a product of Mexico. And if I want nutrition information, I need to write to the company’s Round Lake, MN address. I just might do it.

Right after I finish eating another pack of Tropical Punch flavored.

Oddities, Indeed

2006-09-18T07:38:00.000-05:00

Northern California Curiosities: Quirky Characters, Roadside Oddities & Other Offbeat Stuff
by Saul Rubin

Vinnie G. and I went to Half Price books a few weekends ago – my first trip there. I sold them a bunch of books, and then bought a few more. One of which is this little gem, Northern California Oddities. I heart roadside attractions, and this one will come in handy, and soon (wink, wink). I’ve not cracked it open yet, but once I do, I’ll write all about it over at Creative Truth.

Body Wash

2006-09-17T12:15:00.000-05:00

D. is going to make fun of me for this one like there is no tomorrow but I'm gonna say it anyway. I went to Target today (seems to be my usual Sunday stomping grounds lately, eh?) and picked up some of the best body wash. Yes, it is Axe shower gel, but the Recovery is fantastic. When you are all groggy (or hungover) it actually is refreshing. It has the little exfoliants in it plus the scent is light and actually does somewhat wake you up. Make fun all you want but I love this crap.

I Heart Good Beer

2006-09-15T11:01:00.000-05:00

Great Lakes Brewing Company
Holy Moses White Ale

This was a good one. Perfect after a long day at work. The label celebrates Moses Cleveland, founder of Cleveland, but I think it kind of looks like the Bible Moses wearing a jacket and pants and attempting to part the Cuyahoga River. That may have been the beer talking.

Great Lakes Brewing Company is one of the good things about Cleveland, and I think the beer is now being shipped to most places in the country. Buy a pack if you see it, and enjoy the taste of Cleveland. It’s better than it sounds!

In The Jeans Pt II

2006-09-15T10:14:00.000-05:00

I did finally find a pair of jeans I like yesterday. I found a great pair of Kenneth Cole jeans at (of all places) Burlingtion Coat Factory. Even better is they were, like, 50$ cheaper than the normal retail. BONUS!

BBQ at the Kennedy Compound

2006-09-14T10:38:00.000-05:00

(Re-post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

I had the misfortune of trying to eat one of these poor excuses for a hot dog holder this past weekend, when the store was out of everything except these stupid “New England Style Hot Dog Rolls”.

Note to all drunken New Englanders – this is not a hot dog bun. It’s just a piece of bread, folded in half, with extra icky white bread at the bottom. This extra bread at the bottom is uniquely and singularly useful for sucking up all the chili sauce, mustard and relish I meticulously layered on before putting in the hot dog. Which was completely swallowed up by the “roll”, by the way.

Hot dog buns look like this:

Note how the hot dog is nestled in the bun, yet not overwhelmed by freakin’ gummy white bread! Note that the bottom of the bun is not soaked through with condiments, as they have stayed near the hot dog – where they belong. Why New England needs its own hot dog buns is beyond me, but please stop sending them here. We have our own. And they are better.

Indifferent Little Toaster

2006-09-13T13:09:00.000-05:00

(Re-post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

Today's post is about a toaster. Yeah, a toaster. A toaster that broke my heart, and is on the way to redeeming itself.

First, a little background about me. I love small appliances. The more task-specific, and therefore useless for all other tasks, the better. Among others, I currently have a rice cooker, a food dehydrator, a sandwich maker, a chopper thingie, a salad shooter, etc... So you can imagine how excited I was to see a toaster that not only made toast but ALSO made an egg at the same time! Poached, hard or soft boiled AND it also will heat a slice of pre-cooked meat at the same time. So you can have a breakfast sandwich without all the hassle. Well, without most of the hassle. Okay, look, it's more of a pain in the ass to make a breakfast sandwich this way than by just using a normal toaster and the microwave. But it is a small appliance, which therefore makes it worthy.

Anyway... I got this special toaster as a gift for Christmas this past year. Three days or so after Christmas, I decided to make a breakfast sandwich. I unpacked the toaster from it's cocoon of protective packaging and set it up. The instruction book was long and rather complicated, but I worked my way through it and managed to produce a soft poached egg and a medium toasted English muffin. Tasty.

The next day, I plug in my trusty new toasty pal, drop an egg in the steaming tray and bagel in the other side. And wait for my tasty treat to be done. But nothing is happening. Is it plugged in you may ask? Yes, fully plugged in - power strip on and all systems go. So I wait some more. Nothing.

I finally give up and call the number on the box. I'm instructed to repack the toaster in the original packaging (the stuff was still in the trash cans outside), and mail it, at my expense, back to the company. Which I do.

Three months (!!!!!) later, I receive a lengthly e-mail explaining my toaster's problem, which basically boils down to "it's broke", and a new one is on the way. Finally.

New toaster arrived this past week, and was taken for it's test drive this morning. Delicious.

Tomorrow morning will be the true test. Can the toaster do it's job again tomorrow? Or will my heart be broken again? (The rice cooker never plays with my emotions this way.)

Update: As of today, 9/13/06, the toaster is still working. I heart poached eggs on toast!

Rampant Consumerism Link

2006-09-13T09:14:00.000-05:00

Okay all you rampant consumerists. . .here is a link to put you in heaven. It is called Malls of America and it is just that, a look at malls throughout America and their past glories. It even has some vintage department store commercials for a little spice.

Mini-Stepper

2006-09-12T20:22:00.000-05:00

On Sunday D. and I went on a little shopping spree. I made her stop Play It Again (a used sporting good store) just to browse around (and it is right next door to Half Price Books). There I found my coveted mini stepper. Why would I need a mini stepper? I can't believe I'm sharing this but I heard an interview with Tim McGraw and they asked how he got such a great ass and he said it was because Faith made him do 20 minutes on the stepper three times a week. Well, I want my butt to look as good as Tim's in jeans so there!

Pimp My Mom’s Ride

2006-09-11T09:06:00.000-05:00

I bought some super-cool chrome dice valve stem caps for my mom’s bicycle. Hers are actually nicer than those in the picture. She really had her heart set on the skull and crossbone caps, but Target was all out of those. I personally rock the black eight balls on my own bicycle, and Vinnie G. has some light-up doohickeys, which seem to only work sporadically.

Mini Camera

2006-09-09T09:44:00.000-05:00

I finally did it and broke down and bought this cool little mini camera from Target. D. and I found it while browsing for a compass for her road trip next month and I fell in love with it. Who doesn't need a tiny digital camera that can fit right on your key chain?

Propel

2006-09-07T20:44:00.000-05:00

Aww, yes propel. This drink is one example of man's accomplishment. Tastes like lemon, gives you energy. Buy, consume, and enjoy.

It's In the Jeans

2006-09-07T09:22:00.000-05:00

I am on my way out this morning to buy new jeans. It isn't quite as traumatic as D.'s was but it will still be a trial. First I have to try and find a style that I like that doesn't have a weird color (you know, too blue, too faded, stuff like that) then the whole does it have any weird stitching designs thing comes next. Next I have to find a pair that fits. For years I wore the same size and never had to bother with trying stuff on but now after not smoking for a year my body changed. I gained a little weight (which was a good thing for me) and started exercising so my body sort of changed shape if that makes sense so now I have to actually try stuff on. This leads me to he final part of the whole process which is the ass check. You can find the perfect pair of jeans that fit every need and this is the one that could blow the whole shebang. If it makes my ass look flatter than a pancake it is back to the drawing board. Wish me luck.

The Cure for a Bad Morning

2006-09-07T08:37:00.000-05:00

Lunchtime yesterday – must get out of office. Food sounded good. Lobster bisque sounded even better. So while everyone else was eating burgers and other lackluster fare, I treated myself to a big bowl of lobster bisque and a sour dough roll from the soup place down the street from my office. Delicious.

Another for the collection

2006-09-06T10:34:00.000-05:00

I went to Columbus oveer the holiday weekend and added another Buddha to my collection. This one is in gold and scarlet and has a little rock garden around it with a tea light holder and incense stand. Quite the steal at only $8.75!

The Tantalizing Torta

2006-09-06T08:16:00.000-05:00

I spent this weekend in Chicago with old friends, and as such, we availed ourselves of the local tacquerias, which are abundant in parts of the city. I’ve never had a bad morsel from one of these places, and that’s generally true if one stays away from such meats as “cabeza” (steamed cow’s head) and “tripas” (cow intestines). Unless of course, you’re the type who likes such entrails in your tacos and burritos.

I’m currently having a love affair with tortas – it’s a sandwich, it’s a taco. How can you go wrong? $3.50 for a giant sandwich full of taco-y goodness. Wish I had one now. Mmmmmm…

It's in the Genes

2006-09-05T10:35:00.000-05:00

(Re-post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

I decided quite on a whim yesterday afternoon that I wanted new jeans. Not a $300 - $1000 pair of jeans, but a regular, every day, comfy pair of jeans. So I headed over to J. Crew's website, to look at jeans. I have several older pairs, and I like how they wear over the years.

Much to my surprise, J. Crew jeans now start at $78! What the?! I can get a pair of Levi's for $39 (which I think are better anyway)! There is a $130 jean called "ultralow straight jeans in premium rinse wash". They look exactly the same as every other pair of ultralow straight leg jeans I've ever seen, and the decoration is minimal at best. I guess I'm not sure what I'd get for $130.

I fear I'm starting to sound like my mother or something here ("...when I was young, I had one shoe, and I had to walk to school in the snow every day. Levi's cost a nickel and they came with extra buttons..."). But honestly, over $100 for a pair of jeans from J. Crew? When I think of J. Crew, I think of cashmere sweaters at the top, and funky wool sweaters and chinos at the bottom. Clothes for college kids with shiny new credit cards who don't mind charging $100 for an ugly sweater. But I never think of so-called "premium denim".

Whatev - I'll go to T.J. Maxx and find a pair of Levi's that a) fit perfectly, and b) cost less than my shoes.

(Update: those jeans I wrote about all those months ago are now on clearance for $19.99. Now that's more like it. But I'm still not going to buy them. So there.)

Rice Krispie Treat Indeed

2006-09-01T07:47:00.000-05:00

Ah, an oldie but goodie – the Rice Krispie Treat. I ate way too many of them last night while drinking too much wine in an attempt to numb the pain of 1) being told to “shut the fuck up” during a meeting where I protested that I did not go to college for six years and earn two degrees so that I could type letters for a semi-literate sales manager (a recent demotion from the nutball that runs this joint now), and 2) working for this poor excuse of a business. Happily, big plans are in the works, which will be revealed soon. But I digress...

Rice Krispie Treats are just as good as I remember as a kid, when marshmallows, butter and cereal could solve just about any problem.

Duck Boots

2006-08-31T14:34:00.000-05:00

I stopped by my all time favorite cheapie store Gabriel Brothers today and got an awesome pair of J. Crew Duckboots for only 19.99. I love that place.

Open Letter to the Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man in Front of the Stupid New Cell Phone Store that our Neighborhood Way Did Not Need...

2006-08-31T08:37:00.000-05:00

Dear Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man in Front of the Stupid New Cell Phone Store that our Neighborhood Way Did Not Need and Which Took the Place of a Cool Video Store:

I love you. I wish I could buy you. Alas, the cell phone store will not part with you.

Yours truly,
D.

Buyer Beware

2006-08-31T08:16:00.000-05:00

On Sunday D. and I stopped by Target for a quick stop. The only thing I needed (aka wanted) was a new messenger bag. I ended up leaving with the messenger bag, three packs of gum, a car air freshner, citrus room spray, a pack of pens, and a few other things I can't even think of right now. It is impossible for me to go into that store without spending way too much money.

Sav-A-Lot, but Not Your Rotting Soul

2006-08-30T14:42:00.000-05:00

(Re-Post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

True story from the Sav-A-Lot supermarket on a random Saturday morning...

I'm approaching the entrance to the store, and notice an old lady obviously having a difficult time finding the entrance door. A gentleman comes out the exit door and notices her distress. He attempts to steer her toward the correct door to enter the store.

She turns around, and with her bright pink lipstick slash of a mouth says, "Mind your own business, you asshole!", and continues trying to push the exit door open.

I’ve Come a Long Way Baby, or So They Tell Me

2006-08-30T08:07:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, I looked into my purse at the sad, limpid foil package containing a nicotine patch – and immediately went down the street to the deli for a pack of cigarettes. Dammit.

Well, tomorrow will be another day. (I need today to finish the pack of cigarettes.)

Polar Pop Heaven

2006-08-29T21:43:00.000-05:00

Today I spent an anstounding 59 cents for a refreshment after a nice 30 minute skateboard session. The polar pop is the child of a very brilliant establishment. Circle K. I'm not sure how big the cup is, but they have several sizes all for 59 cents. I always get the biggest cup. Today I went with the rootbeer, but don't fear at any time they have a wide selection of drinks. Go Ape! energy drink is interesting, especially if it is mixed with mountain dew. You feel like Scarface when he is done snorting that pile of cocaine at the end of the movie if you dare drink the Go Ape mixed with mountain dew. The polar pop definately packs a value, especially since the store clerks are dumb and watch me and several others sit there filling the cup several times drinking it down then finally paying. Sometimes I even go back for some more refills. Extreme yes indeed. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the most extreme the polar pop gets a 10 squared value extremely extreme label.

Price Check!

2006-08-29T13:09:00.000-05:00

(Re-post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

Well, it finally happened to me…

Those not familiar with northeast Ohio probably don’t know about Marc’s. Marc’s (usually said with an audible groan) is an institution 'round here. Part discount department store, part supermarket, part drugstore… well, part everything. Including the infamous closeout crap aisles in the front of every store. Marc’s only takes cash or checks, so you’ll always see a clueless single guy getting all flustered when the cashier refuses his Amex card (though I’ve heard rumors of Discover card being accepted). The aisles are cramped and usually a mess, and full of rude people trying to ram their carts down the too-narrow aisles.

Scanners have only recently been introduced - they're used sporadically and only on produce items. This means items still have price tags on them, and God help you if you put an item without a price tag in your cart. A price check at Marc’s is a study in glacial movement, so one of the more common questions you’ll hear from a cashier is “do you remember how much this was?” If things deteriorate to the level of a price check, meaning you have not simply given up the item for lost, the line behind you will grow and you will stand humbled and progressively more humiliated beneath the flashing light of shame indicating your line number and current status as needing a price check.

So why would anyone put herself through the Marc’s trauma, you might ask? The prices, plain and simple. You know that if you buy a bottle of shampoo, or aspirin, or cereal or a broom or ketchup or floor mats for your car or anything else at any other store before checking Marc’s first that you will have paid four times as much for the item. So you make your list of necessaries, go to Marc’s first (for chrissakes not on Saturday), and suffer through the unique brand of ineptness Marc’s specializes in before going to Target or the supermarket or anywhere else.

I have friends who have left Cleveland over the years, and most of them put Marc’s at the top of a (very short) list of things they miss about Cleveland. Marc’s and Dan Dee Cheese Curls (a story for another day).

So back to what happened…

Marc’s, like most discount stores, hires mostly surly teenagers as cashiers, and the last thing they want to do is a price check for your sorry ass. I started putting my items up on the counter, and as there are no conveyors at Marc’s, a pile of stuff quickly accumulated. Plus, I had to watch the register and make sure the prices were being entered correctly, as receipts are not itemized and good luck figuring it out later. I finally got all of my stuff on the counter, and started paying attention to the cashier when all came crashing to a halt – I had selected an item without a price tag.

The item? A box of tampons.

My cashier was a teenage boy who would have rather been anywhere else, and I was starting to feel the same way. And no, I didn’t remember how much they were – I drew a complete blank. The dreaded flashing light of shame came on, the line behind me groaned a collective sigh of exasperation and my cashier held the box of tampons high above his head and yelled…

PRICE CHECK!

Shake It, Don't Break It

2006-08-28T11:24:00.000-05:00

(Re-post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun)

Do you hate irony? Are you sick of sarcasm? Do you think you look like this guy?

No you don't. No you aren't. You wish.

www.buyourshittytshirts.com for all your unrealized, unfulfilled, stupid tell-all clothing needs. Featuring, in no particular order and of questionable quality (because we don't give a shit):

-Aren't You Witty
-I Already Knew That
-Sometimes You Just Gotta Lose Your Homo
-Sell Me Something
-Buy Me Something
-I Hate Your Shoes
-I Heart the Patriot Act
-Gaaaaaaaaaaaay
-Straaaaaaaaaaaaight
-Gucci Is Love

Perfect for a date with my cousin Vinnie. Satisfy your consumer urge and buy a shitty t-shirt. Jerks.

Rainbows of Happiness

2006-08-27T12:25:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at work I dipped into the vending machine for a form of happiness from some fruity rainbow-flavored Skittles. These were a very good investment for only 75 cents. When I first inserted a purple skittle in my mouth, I felt a feeling of bliss of glossy feel on my tongue, then an explosion of grapey flavor presented itself as my molars crushed away the glossy flavor protecting coating. You may be ask yourself if I "tasted the rainbow?" I would reply with "Hell yes, I tasted the skittle flavored rainbow!"

Christmas Is Coming.

2006-08-27T11:58:00.000-05:00

And since this is all about rampant consumerism here is something to keep in mind when shopping for me.

Something Old, Nothing New

2006-08-27T11:49:00.000-05:00

An old post from Rock, Paper, Scissors, Gun which is most appropriate to this new site...

I read an article about a group in San Francisco (where else) called the Compact, where the members have agreed to put all consumer urges on hold for the year 2006. They will not buy anything new, save for food and safety items the entire year. They can go thrifting, buy secondhand items, or use hand me downs, etc... Just no new (useless) consumer items.

Which got me thinking - could I do it? Could anyone I know do it? Could I not buy anything for a full year? I checked out Compact's blog, and it seems a lot of members are having daily dilemmas when it comes to determining when an item is necessary, and therefore allowed, or just a greedy consumer good, and therefore banned.

I go over my own purchases in my head in the past week, and it breaks down to be a relatively wasteful list of unnecessary consumer goods: lattes, lunches out, new books, shoes, etc... All things I could easily live without and/or get used if I had the inclination. How embarrassing.

But, do I want to do without these things?

Not really.

Well, at least I considered it for a minute.

Instead, I will consider Buy Nothing Day. The brainchild of Adbusters.org, of the famed Adbusters magazine, Buy Nothing Day is always the day after American Thanksgiving. The great American buy everything day. The website shows numerous photos of the event from around the world. There's a few photos from the U.S., but overall, America is not up to turning off its consumer impulse, even for a day.

Maybe this explains why Adbusters magazine is so freakin' expensive.

Too Much Coffee

2006-08-27T11:35:00.000-05:00

I am only going to add this once, because if I add every day the coffee I drink then it would be way boring so I am adding one entry for the six cups of Starbucks I drink a day.

A Magazine

2006-08-26T23:13:00.000-05:00

I bought a magazine today mostly because it came with a dvd loaded with special extras that . . .you guessed it. ..mostly suck!

The Office Cocktail Hour

2006-08-25T20:36:00.000-05:00

Do you drink at work? Do you wish you could? Sometimes I do - and then I do. Today's Friday cocktail of choice was Vernor's Diet Ginger Ale and vodka from the flask in my briefcase. A friend recommended this drink to me a few weeks back, and what better time to try it out? A quick trip to the supermarket during lunch hour remedied the problem of not having any Vernor's Diet Ginger Ale (I was told that it must be Vernor's - no other substandard ginger ale would work). A few ice cubes in a glass, and I was off to the races. Much better than it sounds. Really.

Giant Glass Buddha Head

2006-08-25T20:18:00.000-05:00

Why I needed a giant glass buddha head I don't know, but add party lights and a hat box and you have one great night light.